


Muña

by chiquislover25



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, My Queen deserved better, Suicidal Thoughts, Takes place 8x5, boat baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:26:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiquislover25/pseuds/chiquislover25
Summary: She's alone. Her advisors are trying to kill her. She's tired and it would be so easy to allow them to finish her off. But the voice of a little girl calling her Muña keeps her going.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen
Comments: 24
Kudos: 282





	Muña

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! So I'm angry again. All the deleted scenes all the commentary... it's brought my anger back. So this one-shot was written in anger and in honor of my Queen. She deserved better, she really did. Usually, my stories are in Jon's POV but this one is all in Dany's. I hope you all like it.

She’s starving.

She hasn’t eaten since _her_ death. She can’t. She knows her advisors have betrayed her, that they believe her mad, that they most likely know of Jon’s true parentage and she even suspects exactly how they found out. Now they’ve begun their attempts to remove her, just as she knew people would when they discovered the truth.

She watches as a little girl nervously leaves a tray of food upon the Painted Table before scurrying out the door, not once daring to look at her in the eyes. She’s one of Varys’s ‘Little Birds’. Life experiences, being constantly on the run had taught her to quickly realize who and what someone works for and this little girl, who probably has a starving family, was no exception.

She walks towards the tray, her mouth watering at the mere sight of food, her stomach painfully cramping, demanding that she eat something, anything. And as she picks up a piece of it, she is tempted to do so. But she can’t. 

Poison.

She puts the food down and walks towards the windows of the room. It would be so easy to eat a piece of bread, to finally end her suffering, to end a life full of loss and pain and embrace that darkness and nothingness _he_ had told her about. But there is something, or rather someone, that is stopping her.

As she leans against the pillar and stares out to the sea, she moves her hands down to her abdomen and gently cradles the small bump that is there. Even in her malnourished state, she could see and feel her child growing.

Her child.

 _Their_ child.

The pang in her heart reminds her to move her thoughts away from _him_. Instead, she tries to find the joy she felt at her discovery. The look of happiness her best friend had when it was confirmed. The hope she had when she planned to tell…

No!

She can’t afford to think about _him_ now. He had made his stance clear, had shown what his feelings were and where his loyalties lay. They may be blood, but she would never be his family. No, now she just had to think about keeping herself alive at least long enough for her child to be born.

She closes her eyes and she can see her. Her little girl taking wobbling steps on the sandy beaches down below. Her eyes a violet color just like her own and silver tresses that curled in a painfully familiar way. She smiled brightly at her and she can even hear her sweet voice calling out to her.

_Muña._

As soon as she had discovered she had been carrying Rhaego, that was all she wanted to be: someone’s mother. To have someone from her own flesh and blood to love and cherish unconditionally, to be what she herself was denied having, to have a real family and form a home. But after she had lost her son, she had resigned herself to never be that. As much as she loved her Dragons, as much as she loved all the slaves that she had liberated and who referred to her as Mhysa, it never filled that empty hole in her heart.

But then she began to hope. She began to hope, after meeting _him_. And when he turned out to be right about that cursed witch, she had never been happier.

But loss after loss… Viserion, Jorah, Rhaegal, Mis…Missandei, _him._

She’s not sure how much sorrow, how much loneliness, how much heartbreak a person can take before losing themselves. Maybe her advisors were right, and she was losing her mind. Maybe it would be better if she ate the bread, or even leaned forward a bit more.

But the buoyant little laugh from that vision reminds her why she must keep going.

A knock on the door makes her open her eyes but everything immediately begins to spin, her head becoming more light-headed by the second, and she feels her body begin to sway as her knees become weak. She feels two familiar hands steady her. Familiar, but not the ones she secretly hoped for.

“My Queen, are you alright?” a voice asks in her mother tongue.

“Yes Grey Worm, I just need to sit down,” she answers likewise and her faithful commander helps guide her the closest seat.

“I am sorry for not being here,” he apologizes.

“Don’t be. You needed to mourn,” she argues, her head finally clearing and settling down.

“You look unwell. You haven’t eaten,” Grey Worm points out, looking at the uneaten food.

“Poison,” she admits. “Varys has been poisoning my food since we returned from Kings Landing.”

Her Unsullied Commander immediately stands, anger filling his features ready to go seize the man trying to harm her. But before he can go she stops him, grasping onto his arm with as much strength as she can muster, which at this moment is not much.

“No Grey Worm,” she commands.

“He is trying to kill you, our Queen. He must be..” she shakes her head.

“His little birds will still try to finish it. And I'm sure that once the truth is spread, Varys won’t be the last to try it,” she says.

“Then the Unsullied will kill anyone that tries. We will not let our Queen be harmed,” the Commander vows.

“I'm tired Grey Worm,” she admits. “I'm tired of constantly fearing for my life. I'm tired of fighting. I'm… I'm tired of living.”

“You cannot give up,” he argues.

“I won’t, at least not yet,” she whispers the last part. “If I die…”

“You won’t.”

She smiles softly at his sureness.

“If I do, promise me you and all my people return to Essos. You do not deserve the disdain the people of these lands have for you. In Essos you wouldn’t be viewed that way, you would be free to do as you wish,” she says.

“My Queen…”

“Promise me Grey Worm,” she demands.

“I promise,” he swears and she smiles softly at him.

Her commander then pulls some rations from his satchel and hands it to her.

“You must eat, keep your strength,” Grey Worm says and she accepts. “You are still our Queen, the one I chose, the one _she_ chose. Do not give up.”

She nods before dismissing her Commander. She sits in silence, staring at the food in her hand. With this basic food, her faithful Commander had given her a lifeline and it was up to her to take it. Slip into the darkness and allow her life to end or keep going.

Her hand drifts down to her child.

Muña.

She takes a bite.

It’s the most delicious bite of food she’s ever had. Before she knows it, it is gone. She yearns for more her body demands more, but it is enough. Enough to keep her going, enough to stay alive, enough to keep _her_ alive. She closes her eyes to rest, knowing that she didn’t have the energy to stay awake or even leave the room. She allows exhaustion to take a hold of her, the sounds of the burning fire and rolling waves being the last thing she hears.

************************************

She sees her little girl again.

They’re on the beach, she feels the sand between her toes and the waves coming onto the shore and wetting her feet. Her little girl is taking wobbly steps towards her, flashing a bright toothless smile and her silver curls being blown by the wind.

However unlike last time she’s being held up by someone.

She recognizes the laugh and the blurry figure becomes more clear. He sees _him._ Smiling, happy, with a peacefulness she had never seen in him before. Equally as barefoot as she and their daughter are.

“There she is love, there’s Muña,” _he_ coos to the little girl he’s helping walk.

“Muña,” her little girl yells out in pure excitement, eagerly taking quicker steps towards her.

As they approach her, _he_ picks up their babe and smiles.

“We love you, Dany.”

*********************************

When she opens her eyes, she finds herself in her bedroom, laying in her bed, wearing a different robe than the one she had on last. She tries to sit up but everything immediately seems to spin. She then feels two hands pushing her back onto the bed, and through the blur of her eyesight, she recognizes exactly who it is.

The same person who had been holding her daughter in her dream.

She flinches away from _his_ touch, not wanting to feel the warmth of his hands seep into her skin as it always did. She manages to hear a sad sigh leave the man as he sits in the chair next to her bed. She takes him in, noticing that his hair is loose, bags under his eyes make it obvious that he hasn’t slept in days, his clothes look travel warn and haven’t been changed either.

“W… what…” she tries to ask but her throat hurts. She watches as he quickly moves and pours a cup of water and offers it to her. She pushes it away refusing it and watches his shoulders sag in defeat and sadness.

“It's not poisoned, Dany,” he says in his Northern accent and she grimaces at the use of that name and the mention of poison. He offers it to her again and again she refuses.

She watches as something seems to break in him, how his posture, his whole being, seems to crumble at her refusal.

“You don’t trust me,” he states in such a defeated voice that her heart clenches at hearing it.

But she needs to stay strong for _her._ She couldn’t give in to what her heart wanted. She needed to protect herself from more hurt or she would truly lose herself.

“You’ve given me no reason to, my lord.”

This seems to break him even more as he winces as if he had been struck.

“Dany…”

“Don’t call me that!” she croaks out and he once again winces. “I warned you… I told you what would happen…” she coughs trying to alleviate the pain of speaking. “You’ve signed my death warrant the minute you told your sister. Why wouldn’t you just finish what Varys failed to do?”

She’s hurting him, she knows, but she won’t let him hurt her again.

“You’ve been out for three days,” he says softly, seeming to be controlling his emotions. “I found you in the War Room unconscious and not once have I left your side or harmed you in any way. Why would I try now?”

“Maybe because you northerners are cruel,” she says, trying not to care about the way she’s hurting him.

“I love you Daenerys! I would never hurt you!” he exclaims seeming frustrated.

But she can’t believe him. She can’t allow him back in. It will only hurt more when he chooses to leave her, leave them behind.

“Leave,” she says.

“What?” he asks confused.

“Leave. You say you would never hurt me, but since you discovered who you are, you’ve done nothing but. I’m done suffering because of you, because of your people. Leave me alone, you’ve become an expert in that,” she swallows through the dryness of her mouth.

She glares at him, trying to will him to leave and for a moment it appears that she succeeded but a fire of determination seems to ignite and make its way to his eyes. His entire demeanor changed, to one more closely resembling the man who came before her throne, refusing to bend the knee.

“No.”

“What?” she needs to ask.

“I said no. I’m not leaving you,” he growls.

This brings her up short, fully expecting him to take the first opportunity to be away from her, as he has done since the revelation of his parentage. She stares at him as he scowls at her.

He looks like a wolf. No not a wolf, a dragon. The fire and anger radiating from him are not of a wolf.

She has woken the dragon.

“I’ve made mistakes, I know I have. But I’m not leaving you again, not after I almost lost you,” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence. He begins running his hands through his disheveled hair. “These have been the worst three days of my life. Not knowing whether you had eaten that food or not. If you would wake up or drift away in your sleep because of starvation and dehydration. It took everything I had to stop myself from killing Varys.”

The fire that had ignited begins to be drowned out by his tears and her own eyes fill with tears of her own.

“I almost lost the person I love most, the love of my life because of my mistakes, because of my foolish honor and need to please a sister that has never once cared for me,” he says, voice trembling in emotion.

“Leave…” she chokes out again, trying to hold her tears back, unwilling to cry in front of him. “Leave, please, I beg you. I can’t…”

Just like before he ignores her but this time part of her is grateful for it. He gently climbs onto her bed and takes her into his arms. She breathes him in and for a moment tries to push him away to fight the overwhelming emotions she had tried denying since his rejection. But as she feels his hand rub her back in a comforting manner, her strength and resolve leave her.

She sobs.

For the first time in years, she sobs for everything and everyone she has lost. Her mother, her brothers, Drogo, Rhaego, Ser Barristan, her Dothraki, her Unsullied, Ser Jorah, Viserion, Rhaegal, and Missandei. He softly rocks her, and she feels that maybe she hasn’t lost _him_ yet. But she doesn’t dare to hope. At most he must feel pity, she can’t believe his words of love.

But she wants to.

“I can’t leave you Dany,” she hears him say. “I can’t and won’t lose you. You’re the best thing that has happened in my life and I was fool letting you believe otherwise. I love you.”

*********************************

Her tears eventually stop and the weight she has felt on her heart since returning from Kings Landing has lessened. Her thoughts are clearer, she feels like she can breathe again, and she feels like she can move forward. However, part of moving forward was her need to figure out how to handle the man lying next to her as silence surrounds them both. He hasn’t once attempted to pull away from her or move his hands from their position. Neither has she.

She wants him in her life, she can finally admit that. She wants to see her dream become a reality. She wants all three of them to be a family. But first, she had to trust him again.

She tries to speak but her throat impedes it. He seems to understand and quickly reaches for the cup she had refused. Before handing it to her, however, he takes a drink out of it. She must have shown her question on her face.

“I… I understand why you don’t trust me, but I need you to be assured that I’m not trying to hurt you, that I won’t let anything hurt you. If that means tasting every drink and every food you’re given, then so be it,” he vows.

He helps her sit up and when he sees her hand tremble he brings the cup to her lips. The water alleviates the dryness and burning in her throat and sates the thirst she’s felt for days. She closes her eyes and sighs in relief. She opens them as she feels him get out of bed and there’s a brief moment of panic before she realizes that he’s getting a tray of food.

He sits beside her, taking one of the fruits and bringing it to his lips. She stills his hand, lowering the fruit from his lips.

“I… I want to move forward,” she admits. “I want to trust you. I have to trust you,” she emphasizes, “And if I can’t believe that you’re not poisoning me…”

She could see he understood what she was trying to explain. He takes her hand places a kiss on the back of it.

“Thank you,” he says interlacing their fingers. But instead of giving her the fruit, he still takes a bit of it before handing it to her.

She tries to savor it but her hunger is too overwhelming for that. In the corner of her eye, she can see him tasting everything on the tray, trying to show his commitment to earning her trust back. She drinks a broth that is cold at this point, followed by some bread. As she’s eating she has a need to hear him speak.

“When did you get here?” she asks.

“The last day you remember. When Grey Worm left you I was barely arriving,” he explains.

“Jon,” she says his name for the first time, in a long time and a warmth spread throughout her body at the name of the man she still loves. “You said you wanted to kill Varys, what happened?”

She sees his mood change. He grows angry, fire simmering in his eyes.

“He met me at the beach. Tried to convince me you were unfit to rule and that I should take the throne,” he growls, “Grey Worm found us just as we were arriving on the steps to the castle, it looked like he was ready to kill Varys on the spot,” he has a faraway look, “I…I somehow knew something was wrong, something, a voice, called out to me it said a word I didn’t understand.”

“What word?”

“Kepa.”

She can’t breathe. Of course, he wouldn’t know that word, it’s in Valaryian. But the meaning of that word…

“A desperate need to protect you, to protect whatever that voice was, overcame me. I took out Longclaw and immediately brought it to Varys’s neck. I demanded Grey Worm tell me what he did and as soon as he said the word poison I ran to the war room,” he swallows and struggles to speak, she’s still in too much shock to offer him any type of comfort. “I found you in a chair unconscious. You looked near death's door. I tried waking you but you wouldn’t. I saw the food had been touched and I feared the worst.”

He takes a long pause, trying to collect himself.

“The maester confirmed that you hadn’t taken any poison but that you could still…”

She takes his hand and runs her thumb across the back of it. The pain in his voice proves that he does truly love her. There’s no way to fake that raw emotion she sees on his face.

“I almost lost you Dany,” he whimpers.

“I… I thought I lost you too. Since Winterfell…” she admits.

“I made a mistake pushing you away. Denying myself what I wanted. My sisters, they made it seem like I had to choose between you and my family,” he explains. “I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize that you’re my family too. That no matter what they said, you are my aunt but also the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with,” he says turning to look at her.

His hands come up and caress her face. She leans into his touch.

“I want a family with you, Dany. I know you believe it's not possible but I have faith that it is,” he says and she immediately reaches for his hands to remove them from his face.

She needs to tell him. Maybe...maybe he'll be as happy as she is about it… Maybe out of all this hurt they’ll both have that family they’ve both yearned for.

“Jon, that word you heard… what did the voice sound like?” she asks. She watches him blush as if embarrassed to admit what he heard.

“A… a little girl…” he says.

Her eyes fill with tears, but she refuses to let them fall. Instead, she takes one of his hands and places it on the soft swell of her abdomen. She watches as he stares down, trying to process what is going on.

“Jon,” she says, bringing his attention back to her, a confused look on his face, “that word means ‘father’ in High Valaryian.”

It takes him a moment, but she sees the instant he fully understands what she’s saying. His other hand shakes as he places it with his other hand where their child is growing.

“You’re… you’re…” his voice shakes.

“I am. I’m pregnant.”

“We’re going to have a babe,” he whispers. She nods confirming his statement.

He kisses her, for the first time in weeks he kisses her. And for the first time since that ship going North, she feels loved.

She does have love on this side of the Narrow Sea. It may not be the people’s love, but the love of this man, her nephew, blood of her blood, is enough, it's more than enough. And soon they will also have a child to love and love them in return. A little girl to call him Kepa and call her Muña.


End file.
